Tuesday, October 13, 2009

More than a little nervous

Just thought I'd update on what's been going on lately. Round 2 of clomid was a bust! Apparently my body does not do what it is supposed to when on clomid. So I had a discussion with my RE about next steps. We are either going to do injectables or IVF. I know there is a big difference in the two but the reason I am considering IVF already is that I don't want to go through cycle after cycle, for god knows how long, only to end up doing IVF in the end. This is all so nerve wrecking and I haven't made up my mind either way. I don't have to decide just yet so that's a good thing.

The immediate next step is a laporoscopy/hysteroscopy. My RE saw what he thinks is a dilated right tube during my HSG so he wants to go in and see if in fact it is dilated. He is going to try to repair it but if that doesn't work he will remove it. Now I know this sounds counter-productive. Here I am trying to have a baby and yet I'm going to have a tube removed. I don't know how I feel about this. I mean I don't love the fact that I may lose a tube but on the other hand if it's not doing anything anyway then who cares. So I'm having the lap done tomorrow and let me just say I am more than just a little nervous. I have never been in the hospital and while I know this is the best option for me at the moment, I'm scared that I will not wake up from the anesthesia or that something will go wrong during the procedure. I know that I'm being paranoid but again I've never been in the hospital before! Meanwhile I'm driving my husband crazy by making sure he knows where to find necessary information regarding my life insurance lol. My poor hubby must think I'm insane.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

nobody said life was fair.

Warning *Rant*

I'm on my 2nd round of clomid after 9 years of marriage and no preventing EVER! My bff just told me that she's late and thinks she's pg. She has a 9 month old son. She had only been dating her bf for a few months when she found out she was expecting. The thing is she's told me that they don't have a good relationship and neither of them thinks their relationship will last. I hope everything works out for her and I really do want nothing but the best for her. However, I can't help but feel like a failure. Once more someone else has gotten pg and here I am still waiting. It makes me so mad that other ppl have babies with such ease. Why is it so hard for us? Why do we have to endure appts, dr's, blood tests...etc when others have it so easy? I'm so frustrated right now and just had to let it out. I have to move on and stay positive and pray that my dh and I will soon get our blessing!