Tuesday, October 13, 2009

More than a little nervous

Just thought I'd update on what's been going on lately. Round 2 of clomid was a bust! Apparently my body does not do what it is supposed to when on clomid. So I had a discussion with my RE about next steps. We are either going to do injectables or IVF. I know there is a big difference in the two but the reason I am considering IVF already is that I don't want to go through cycle after cycle, for god knows how long, only to end up doing IVF in the end. This is all so nerve wrecking and I haven't made up my mind either way. I don't have to decide just yet so that's a good thing.

The immediate next step is a laporoscopy/hysteroscopy. My RE saw what he thinks is a dilated right tube during my HSG so he wants to go in and see if in fact it is dilated. He is going to try to repair it but if that doesn't work he will remove it. Now I know this sounds counter-productive. Here I am trying to have a baby and yet I'm going to have a tube removed. I don't know how I feel about this. I mean I don't love the fact that I may lose a tube but on the other hand if it's not doing anything anyway then who cares. So I'm having the lap done tomorrow and let me just say I am more than just a little nervous. I have never been in the hospital and while I know this is the best option for me at the moment, I'm scared that I will not wake up from the anesthesia or that something will go wrong during the procedure. I know that I'm being paranoid but again I've never been in the hospital before! Meanwhile I'm driving my husband crazy by making sure he knows where to find necessary information regarding my life insurance lol. My poor hubby must think I'm insane.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

nobody said life was fair.

Warning *Rant*

I'm on my 2nd round of clomid after 9 years of marriage and no preventing EVER! My bff just told me that she's late and thinks she's pg. She has a 9 month old son. She had only been dating her bf for a few months when she found out she was expecting. The thing is she's told me that they don't have a good relationship and neither of them thinks their relationship will last. I hope everything works out for her and I really do want nothing but the best for her. However, I can't help but feel like a failure. Once more someone else has gotten pg and here I am still waiting. It makes me so mad that other ppl have babies with such ease. Why is it so hard for us? Why do we have to endure appts, dr's, blood tests...etc when others have it so easy? I'm so frustrated right now and just had to let it out. I have to move on and stay positive and pray that my dh and I will soon get our blessing!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Cycle 1 Update

Just wanted to give an update on what has been going on with me. I am currently on my very first 2WW! I'm actually nearing the end of it :) We did a round of clomid + trigger shot. Because I'm so impatient I've already tested about 4 times (10DPO, 11DPO, 13DPO) and I've yet to see that BFP. Surprisingly I haven't been devastated by the BFNs yet. I think it's because right now I can still tell myself "it's still too early". I am going to test once more tomorrow which will be 15DPO. We'll see what happens.
On another note, as luck would have it as soon as we started our first medicated cycle, my DH loses his job. He is very bummed about this but is out looking for another job as we speak and I know in my heart that all will be okay for us. It's like I was telling a close friend of mine earlier. I feel as is god is doing some reshuffling around in my life. I am just going to let him do all the rearranging that he needs to do and will then enjoy all the good that comes out of the changes. We're going to be alright!

Monday, September 7, 2009

Frustrated with my RE

I went in for a sono today and it turned out to be a waste of time. I was scheduled on CD12 to check how I am responding to the clomid. Well after my sono Dr. G says it was too early to really get an indication of my response and said I needed to come back on CD14. Shouldn't his staff have known to schedule me on CD13 or CD14? Not only that but during my sono Dr. G kept asking me things he should already know. For example he asked me was I doing IUI or timed intercourse...shouldn't he know this? Then he asked me was this my first clomid cycle...um why couldn't he take a few mins to go over my chart before I walked in? I know he was really busy and it was Labor day and all but I still feel like I deserve more attention than what he was giving me. I know that because I'm doing clomid w/timed intercourse I'm not as high on his priority list as say an IVF patient but I'm still a patient. I'm beginning to question whether I need to look for a new RE. Not really sure what to do here since he is the first RE that I have seen and therefore have nothing to compare him to. I really like his staff and usually feel like I'm getting great service so maybe today was just a fluke. I have another sono scheduled for Wednesday morning. I'm going to see how that goes but if I'm getting the same kind of treatment I will definitely have to talk to him about how I feel.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

There's always a silver lining!

It's been so long since the last time I posted but I promise I'm going to get better at this ;)

So after many dr appts we have finally began the treatment phase of our ttc journey. After extensive conversations with our RE regarding IVF and IUI we decided to take baby steps and are going to try a couple of rounds of clomid & timed intercourse (so romantic). I have been on clomid for 2 days now and I have to say I'm not really experiencing the symptoms I've read so much about. My husband is nervously waiting for me to become a hormonal, mean, emotional bitch but I'm glad to report that has not happened (yet!) I actually did experience something weird yesterday. I was watching Step Brothers and caught myself being on the verge of tears. There's one scene towards the end where Brennan's brother is having a childhood memory and for some reason that just got to me. I'm going to go ahead and blame that on the Clomid :)

I am supposed to start using OPKs on Saturday and then go in for a sono on Labor Day at 8:30am. Is it sad that I'm secretly hopeful? On the one hand I keep thinking that since we're not really doing anything but taking Clomid we shouldn't expect much but another side of me is saying "Clomid may be just what you needed all along". I am going to give this method 2 or 3 shots but no more than that. If after 3 cycles we have not had any results, we will be moving on to IVF.

Want to hear some great news about our ttc journey (yes, there is a silver lining)? We found out my insurance will cover about 3 IVF cycles!! This is why we don't want to spend too much time with other methods when we have the funds to do IVF. Let's hope we don't need more than the 3.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Bummed after HSG

I had my HSG today and learned that my right tube is dilated. I did a quick google search on this but don't feel like I get the full picture. My Dr. will be giving me more info on my next appt but I wanted to see if any of you out there have had this issue. What does this mean? Can this be repaired? I'm going to be doing some more research but if any of you have some info you can pass on, please do.

Monday, June 1, 2009

All I needed was a plan!

Today was my very first RE appt. My hubby and I walked into Dr. G's office not knowing what to expect. It was actually a lot cozier than I imagined. We first sat down and spoke to the head nurse who was very nice and precise (I like that). She asked us all kinds of questions and then walked us over to Dr. G's office. The very first thing that I liked was that he sat us down at a small round table that was in the middle of the room. He went through the reproductive cycle (as if I had never heard this) and showed us what happens when during each cycle.

We talked for about 20 mins and touched on various subjects including how to cope with our emotions. He explained to my husband that men and women cope differently with infertility and that it would probably be helpful to both of us if we chose a close friend we could vent to when we were feeling preoccupied. He agreed with my Ob/gyn about PCOS being the cause for my troubles. He said he would move as fast as we wanted him to and that it was up to us how aggressive we wanted to be.

I almost started crying a few times during our discussion but then he said the following which put a smile on my face "There is no doubt I can get you pregnant we just have to figure out what route we want to take to get you there". Yes I know, he has to be reassuring but that still made me feel good. I had another sonogram done (which Dr. G did himself) and then he sent my pharmacy a prescription for Provera. He is going to do an HSG on me this month and has instructed my hubby to get a SA. He said we'll get this done in June so that we can start whatever treatment we decide on in July.

All of this is new to us and scary but also very comforting. Comforting because we finally have a plan in place. My hubby said something to me on our way back home that took me by surprise. He asked me why did I want to cry when we were talking to Dr. G. He said he could tell because my voice sounded different and I wasn't being as outspoken as I normally am. I explained to him it's just difficult to have to go through this. To which he responded "true but I know this is going to work and then we'll be dealing with taking care of our spoiled babies" lol. I love my hubby, he made me feel hopeful.