Sunday, May 24, 2009

What is hope?

I know I have not been good about keeping up with my blog. I think I've been avoiding posting because I have so many mixed emotions about my life and future right now. Several things have happened since my last post.

I went to see my ob/gyn for my annual exam and I took that time to speak to my dr. about my fertility issues. He ran several tests and even did a sonogram. Findings came back as expected, normal on all fronts. Except for the fact that my dr. thinks I may have PCOS. He gave me lots of info and even referred me to an RE. I called and made an appt but I have to admit, I'm very nervous about my appt with the RE. On the plus side I may be able to finally find out what's wrong with me. I took one of those online PCOS quizzes and I scored fairly high. I guess the possibility that I have PCOS is very likely but that does not necessarily scare me. At least I will know once in for all what is wrong with me. I have mixed feelings about this journey I'm about to embark on. I'm excited to get the ball rolling on fertility treatments but at the same time I'm very nervous that this journey may lead to NOTHING! It just seems that NOTHING is exactly what I have accomplished on all baby related fronts.

One of my close friends said something to me that's really been on my mind. She said hope is the last thing we lose. The problem with this is that I feel like I lost hope a while ago. So what do I have if I dont' even have hope? I guess I'll find out soon enough.

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